John Doe Dimslow here in the Dimslow Report is happy to report that the Associated Press reports that a brown mallard duck incubating eggs in a mulch pile outside the U.S. Treasury Department main entrance is being protected by the U.S. Secret Service, which has set up metal rails around the nest and provided a water bowl: "The duck has had several names suggested by Treasury Department people, including 'Quacks Reform,' 'T-Bill,' and 'Duck Cheney'." Treasury Secretary John Snow stopped to pay his respects this week on the way back from a congressional hearing, Treasury spokesman Rob Nichols said Friday. "He had been briefed on the duck and he stopped to pay a visit," said Nichols. "The eggs are expected to hatch the last week of April at which time the duck will be relocated nearer water. But until then, the duck will occupy some of Washington's prime real estate. 'Foreign leaders, members of Congress, everybody who visits Treasury has to pass by the duck,' Nichols said."
A wild duck, a brown mallard, nests on a mulch pile near the main entrance to the Department of the Treasury on Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington Friday, April 8, 2005.
(AP Photos/Susan Walsh)
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I, Dimslow, could not be more delighted that this splendid duck is being so well protected, so widely discussed, so devoutly cared for. Now, if we could only get the Treasury Department and the rest of the government to care for the human beings of America even half as well, what a wonderful world this would be.
Do not get me wrong, I do not begrudge the duck one iota of its well deserved protections, comforts, and attention. I am not envious of the duck; I am not jealous. I only wish the U.S. would care to look after the rest of us so well, also.
So, how might we, the people, bring this about?
I have a solution! Let us all go and camp on the Treasury Department lawn. Let us form a Dimslow pilgrimage and Dimslow pilgrimages everywhere and take up residence on our public lawns and lands right alongside the duck, and all across America!
And let us demand our Universal Declaration of Human Rights safeguards, libations, comforts and concerns. Let us, too, have our fair and rightful share of governmental and media attention and care, right there and everywhere alongside the T-bill duck! Surely we are worthy of treatment equal to that of the duck.
For it is Article Two of the UDHR that declares:
"Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status [such as lack of mallard duckness]...."
Thus, we the people have every right to join with the duck in not being discriminated against for any reason, and for receiving our full due as regards our rights and well being. And wouldn't that be ducky?
All together now- All with the duck! Solidarity with the duck! We are as worthy as the duck! Let's hear it for the duck! Duck! Duck! Duck! Go...duck! Join the duck! Join the duck! Join the duck! We are Dimslows but as deserving as the duck! Up with the duck and Dimslows everywhere!
And let the rulers pass us by if they will, but face to face, close up. Let them see how damn cute we too can be. In their face. Close up. Passing out copies of the UDHR. And what all. Right there and everywhere. Let's see them treat us Dimslows, one and all, as well as the duck.
