The Dimslow Report

3.26.05   Pax Americana   The war machine satirizes itself  Some days old John Doe Dimslow doesn't have to flex even a muscle when the establishment does his work for him by satirizing itself. The corporate press reports that "American forces" have declared that "Fallujah is the safest city in Iraq," despite the ongoing "scattered attacks in the city." And the corporate media also report that Fallujah residents say, "It's the safest city in Iraq because it's a prison," with the city semi-blockaded as "the price of their freedom." "Freedom." Meanwhile, the local government is in "disarray"; students are unable to reach schools; very few have phone service; some women are unable to reach hospitals or clinics and so are giving birth at home.... This then is the city of Fallujah - and the country of Iraq - gutted and cordoned off by a Pax Americana, in no small part destroyed and thus saved, blockaded and thus secured, looted and controlled by a country with bigger guns - blasting forth peace, as the shooting continues. So let it be announced that Fallujah is the safest city in Iraq. Sort of like Hiroshima and Nagasaki were the safest most secure cities in Japan after the U.S. nuked them. Fallujah, Iraq, modern day gulags, concentration camps, fortified prisons. The glory of it all. "Fallujah is the safest city in Iraq" - -and death is peace, destruction is constructive, "our" leaders are noble - and as long as the oil holds out, the war machine rolls on to everlasting, self-congratulatory infamy.

3.24.05   Iraq, the 51st  American State   The conquest of oil With gas prices at record levels and oil costs on the verge of going even higher, there is only one solution that John Doe Dimslow can see: make Iraq the 51st state. Now I realize this may disappoint folks in Puerto Rico and the District of Columbia, and England, Australia, and Israel, etc., all of which at one time or another have seemed to be vying to become the 51st state, but given the recent surge in gas and oil prices I think there is no time to waste in bringing Iraq formally into the Union. Iraq has already had elections so there should be no problems making the change official, little more than a few minor bureaucratic details, because surely Uncle Sam is strong enough to intimidate the elected rulers into signing on as number 51. Of course the name "Iraq" will have to go. Something like Oila would work, I think, since it would seem to fit well with, say, Ohio and Iowa, a couple of rock solid middle American states.   Now, some may object that Iraq, aka Oila, has already become the 51st state for all practical intents and purposes since the oil is essentially totally under the control of the United States, and since the U.S. is already pumping hundreds of billions of dollars into the land, and therefore little is to be gained by formal incorporation into the Union. It's true, Iraq is basically ours - and not only on the noble you broke it, you bought it principle - especially given the ongoing planning and construction of the fourteen permanent U.S. military bases in Iraq and the U.S. embassy the size of a town (heavily fortified) from which ultimate power will flow. But failure to formally incorporate Iraq into the states will mean we have learned nothing these many years from the wisdom of U.S. policy planner George F. Kennan who explained the reality of the world so well over half a century ago: "We have about 50% of the world's wealth, but only 6.3% of its population. ... In this situation, we cannot fail to be the object of envy and resentment. Our real task in the coming period is to devise a pattern of relationships which will permit us to maintain this position of disparity.... To do so, we will have to dispense with all sentimentality and day-dreaming; and our attention will have to be concentrated everywhere on our immediate national objectives.... We should cease to talk about vague and...unreal objectives such as human rights, the raising of the living standards, and democratization. The day is not far off when we are going to have to deal in straight power concepts. The less we are then hampered by idealistic slogans, the better." Building on this theme of "straight power concepts," it seems obvious to me that international sovereignty must be increasingly a relic of the past. There can be only one state, the American state. What we says goes, as it must. The Iraqis, I mean, Oilans, will just have to get used to saluting the stars and stripes and singing God Bless America and the Star Spangled Banner. I don't think they'll mind really, at least not after awhile, once they get used to it and forget all about the past, as is so easy to do. Puerto Rico, we'll get to you, especially if a diamond mine, or something, turns up that you might foolishly attempt to keep control of yourself. Of  course your name will have to go. New Diamond might work. Or Shinola. In the meantime, Welcome, Oila! The 51st American state. Clearly an idea whose time has come.

3.22.05  America Incorporated  Privatization: rollback of democracy   Well, what the hell, John Doe Dimslow has got mighty sick and tired of pittering around with one little reform here and another little reform there and has decided it is high time we get to the grand cure that promises to take care of all our troubles for all time. No, I'm not talking about simply up and blowing up the world - a possibility to which someday I will return - I'm talking about the utter incorporation of all. America Incorporated. Privatizing the government, totally.   Yes, I know that this means the end of democracy in our time, turning America first into one big conglomeration, followed by the world, abandoning the theoretically, supposedly democratic United States of America for the totalitarian, rule from the top down, United States of Incorporation. But we're far enough towards this as it is, and it seems to me that democracy might be a bit overrated by now. I mean maybe them fascists had something we should finally go all the way with. Everything is being pushed toward total privatization anyhow - social security, prisons, schools, the military, this government service, that government service - so why not catch up to ourselves and do it all in one big fell swoop. Let the corporations save us from ourselves.   Surely the mighty corporations could band even more tightly together and form one huge official conglomeration, maybe something called WeRule Incorporated, a nice little global fiefdom in which we all gladly lose our citizenship to become employees and in-house consumers. I mean, are we so very far from that now? Are we so very far from the hot breath of private (corporate) government breathing down our necks, controlling our health care (what we can get of it), our schools, our texts, our books, our entertainment, our news (so-called), our politics - our everything? Which, being private - owned by Them - isn't really OURS anyway, now is it? And who would want it to be? Holding the matters of life in our own hands - I don't know, it just makes things too personal, doesn't it? Even taxing. Taking charge of our own lives would mean we have to know something about ourselves, about the large public, the world - and who really deep down wants to know anything about anything? Or be organized, or work together, or have anything to do with freedom, justice, equality. Good riddance to that. Bring on the corporatization, the privatization of America, the world.   How much more convenient it is to utterly turn over our lives to a committee, a board of executive officers, trained in the powerful WeRule management style of "Do as you're told, or else!" This finally frees us of the necessity to think, to act, to feel, to really live! And thank goodness! Not a moment too soon. We're finally escaping the clutches of democracy for that better world of obedience.     "Fascism should more properly be called corporatism because it is the merger of state and corporate power."  -Benito Mussolini (attributed to)